Monday, November 29, 2010

For the love of Sanity

I have been really stressed out lately, for several reasons. I have three kids! That's the biggest reason there. Plus, it is deer season so that means on the weekends.....I'm alone with three kids! I cook, clean, think and worry about three kids....ALL. THE. TIME! There has been a time or two lately at some point one or all of the kids have misbehaved in public or at friends house. This stresses me out and embarrasses me. I don't like that other people have to get on to my kids. I'm not saying I get made at my friends. See, my friends and I have an unspoken agreement...if one of our kids is acting up, call them out and make them act right, then tell their mom. Also, as two of my kids get older they are more independent and don't want to include me as much. I know this is a part of life, but I still miss them and I get upset. I've been keeping all this in for a few weeks. We have been VERY busy to say the least for months now. And then it happened. I had a meltdown Saturday in front of friends and people I didn't know. I. could. not. stop. crying! A friend of mine asked me via email what was up, she noticed my facebook updates were kind of blah. This friend and I don't talk often, but when we do it's deep. I told her all this crap....and she then asked me if I wanted her opinion. I found this strange, to me, not to her though. I am always open to peoples opinions. Sometime they are helpful and sometimes I disregard them but I'm always interested on how others view things. Let me start off by saying family and friends are very important to me. That's why we are always busy. But it seams by family I mean extended...not the ones I live with (but they are important to). I'll explain. My dear friend pointed out that I'm always busy, ALWAYS. And even though I know this, it hit me different having someone else tell me. This friend hasn't gone out with us much since her son was born 3 years ago. It use to bother me but what she said to me made total sense. She reminded me that they are only kids once. Your friends and family and even husband for that matter are secondary. And she is right! Maybe me getting stressed out about having three kids isn't about actually having three kids, it is because we are always on the go and doing that with three kids is what stresses me out. I need to stay home and be lazy with my kids, or play outside or inside with them. Let them know that running around like a crazy lady isn't normal. And like she said, some people (friends and family) might get upset, but I have to learn to say no! As much as I would love to do it all and be everywhere, my children mean the world to me and I don't want to regret not being their for them for one second.
So to my dear friend...thank you for ditching me the past 3 years to be there for your son, I won't make fun of you again. And thanks for "straightening" me out. I feel the stress going away already. Hubby will be gone this weekend and it will be just the kids and I at home, and that sounds wonderful!


  1. i do nitice thatt you are always busy. On just a regular weekend also and then when Robert is gone, you seem to need to be even busier. I asummed that you like being on the go all the time. I know it can't be much fun for the kids, we as parents just assume that if you go then they have to go with us and they will get over it. You are always wanting to scrap and you never stay home to do it. Your friend is right, they are only kids once and when they grow up, you can't do some things with them that you would have years ago. I know I didn't always make the parenting choices when my girls were younger but, I have learned what I did wrong or what I would have done differently and now I can't because my babies are all grown up. Don't stress so much and enjoy what you got.

  2. Jessie, thanks for stopping by my blog and for the nice comment. First off, if I were there, I'd give you a big hug! Raising kids is NOT easy, neither is marriage sometime. My girls are 17 and 18 old I & have been happily married for nearly 25 years... I'm going to tell you what helped me so many years ago. You don't have to publish this comment & I won't be hurt. I totally understand about deer season. Seems like hunting ruined our plans for everything, so my husband had to compromise on how much time he was spending hunting. The following is something to think about & is how we came up with our compromise. I was a stay at home mom & my husband worked 50 hours a week, but when he got home, 1/2 of the time that the kids were awake he was responsible for taking care of them. After all, Why should he only have to work 50 hours a week, but I, as a stay at home mom have to work 24 hours a day 6 days a week? Maybe when your husband goes hunting, he can hire a babysitter so you aren't so stressed. I had a teenager come in 2 times a week for a couple of hours after school to play with my girls. This gave me time to do chores or run to the store. It was so worth it. Just wondering if he has ever spent two days with the kids without you. I highly recommend this if you haven't. For every weekend he spends hunting, I think you deserve to have off doing something you like to do. My husband would agree. I can't tell you how many times he tried to get me to take a weekend for myself. I finally had him take the kids away for the weekend so I could catch up on home "stuff" without any interruptions. It was wonderful!
    You are definitely right, though about not being busy all the time and just staying home. Some of our most fun was in our own backyard!

  3. Pam that is awesome! My oldest is 17 so really she can (and does) watch the 9 year old and 10 month old from time to time so i can get some things done. My husband hasn't had the kids for more than a 24 hour period alone. No telling what I would come home to, lol. I just needed to get it all out, refocus and rearrange what I feel is truely important to me, and it is the family in my own home. Thanks for the kind words.

  4. I'm so glad you had someone awesome enough to point that out to you. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't even have kids and have gone through periods like that. Where every spare moment we have plans and projects that need to be attended to. It's exhausting and totally builds where the more you do, the more you have to do. Good for you for deciding to stand up to that snowball. :)