Happy Girl!

I know I haven't blogged much lately.  I've been a busy girl.  Some of you might remember that on the 18th of April I joined Scentsy and became an independent consultant so I could make some extra money to pay off my credit cards.  I am having an amazing time with it!  I've set little goals for myself and have reached them every time!  I've spent alot of my free time getting stuff ready for basket parties and my launch party was last weekend (which turned out really well).  


Other than Scentsy, I've been busy with family.  My beautiful cousin, Brit, got married almost 2 weeks ago.  Hopefully I'll put the pics on my computer and blog about that soon.  My oldest, Alexys, has been sick so I've taken her to the doctor.   I've also been very busy at work.


I'm ready for a much needed vacation.....away from it all.  The closest thing to that will be camping Memorial weekend.  I'm thinking my girls and I need to plan a trip to New Orleans soon.....just sayin...it would be fun!


Enjoy the rest of your week and I hope to blog more.

Are you better?

I have a little rant! This is directed at no one in my family (all though I do have some same issues with this). How can family just turn their back on you? How are the people that should be there for you no matter what act like you don't even exist? Why do people treat facebook like the freakin bible or something? Like if you are friends with them on facebook then we can't be friends. Really? Get an effin life. IT IS JUST FACEBOOK.

Family should always be there, no matter what. Even when you don't agree with them to the fullest....if they need a shoulder to cry on, you should offer. Maybe it has to do with how I was raised, I don't know. Family means the world to me and I also pass those values on to my friends. When my friends need me....I'm there.

Do people really thing they are so much better that they don't need their family? Your family is what shaped you into the person you are today.

"The dinner"

So, remember the other day when I posted about admitting I was scared?

Well, Alexys had dinner with her mom Wednesday night. First time they have talked or seen each other in 7 months.

I was worried that Alexys was possible going to get hurt again or that our relationship would change. For the past 7 months I have been her only motherly figure. As hard as it is, I love it. Don't get me wrong I want her to have a relationship with her mother but she causes a problem with how I parent. And seeing how Alexys lives in my house...I feel she should live by my rules (which Alexys agrees with).

They had dinner, even went for ice cream. Alexys said it went well but was...weird. She knows they are never close but she wasn't really looking for that. She said something about not needing her to be a "motherly figure" because that is what she has me for!

That's when it hit me!

No matter what happens between Alexys and her mother it will never change the relationship we share together. I by no means am saying that I am a better mother. But we do "mother" differently.

Her mother is very controlling but also tries to be her friend. While I like to have a little control, she's also 17 and needs to start getting prepared for the real world. I'm also more of an affectionate person. I tell all my kids I love them before they go to bed. I like hugs. While I know Alexys hasn't been use to this day to day since she's only lived with us 7 months out of her life, I think she likes it. She always tells me she loves me back. Once a week or so I even get a hug squeezed out of her. She makes posts from time to time saying I'm a great mom...she doesn't realize how important that is.

My boys have loved me from the beginning...I'm their birth mom. But Alexys, I had to earn that love. When she introduces me to her friends as "my mom"....I honestly get teary eyed.

I love that girl!

A birthday we will not celebrate

Today is our precious angel, Alayna's, birthday! Sadly their will not be a party, presents, a cake or any happy memories of this day. Alayna was taken from us before her time. Her memory will live on with us forever. I was glad to have met her even for a short time. We will never forget and talk about her fondly. Her beautiful bright blue eyes can't help but bring a smile to your face. We love you baby girl and I hope you are having a party with Grandma, she loves sweets too! Alayna Marie 2/16/06-10/9/09

It's not so bad.

Saturday I was driving back from my cousin's shower with my daughter and we got to talking about family. Everyone bitches about their family at some point, it is human nature. And there are even times when people think their family is so effed up! But then you can talk to someone that has been through so much more (negatively) and it makes you realize...you family is pretty awesome! I know my family has issues but I also know....when the chips are down, we are ALWAYS there for each other. And really...isn't that all that matters.

We are getting even closer

I bought this journal for my daughter (for the newbies, she actually my step) for Christmas. I didn't know if she would think it was dumb or not. Keep in mind she is 17! But she actually really liked the idea. The mother fills out the left pages and the daughter the right. It asks questions like what's your favorite food or memory together. There is free space to ask random question. There is even a page to draw your dream outfit.

We have been doing the journal back and forth for about a week now. We love it! I already feel like I'm getting to know her on a different level. Just an idea for all you moms out there.

Now if they would just make one for sons and mothers I would have it made!

And I cried!

See this pretty young lady? This is Alexys. Those of you that are new to this blog (thank you by the way) she is my 17 year old step-daughter that I would proudly claim as my own any day of the week. She has been in my life since she was 6. She moved in with us last August, but we have wanted her to live with us for years...things just didn't work out until now.

Anyways, I've been sitting on her heart felt words she said a week ago. I only shared them with a few people. I thought I would share them with you now.

Last Tuesday we went to get our hair done after I got off work. We were talking about random things, like we usually do. We talked about when she gets older and then she said the sweetest thing. "When I get older and think about having a family, I want one just like ours. We are perfect." My eyes instantly became watery. She went on talking about other stuff and looked over at me and said "omg, you are going to cry aren't you"...I tried my best to muffle out a "NO" but it was to late. A few tears did fall and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

I think as a mother in general you always wonder how you are doing, how you kids view you, are you doing a "good" job. As a step-mom, I think those concerns double. With my boys the bond was instant from birth. With Alexys we had to build it.

Without even realizing it, Alexys gave me the best compliment ever. I've raised a good family. I have great kids and it shows. I am so blessed to have her in my life. She was my first taste of motherhood and she did not disappoint.

I love you Alexys!

Great Weekend

The rest of my weekend was wonderful. Saturday Blake and I woke up and snuggled on the couch. I made us a big pancake and we shared it. Usually I don't let the kids sleep real late, but it was our relaxing weekend so I didn't care.

My mom came over around 8. She painted my bathroom for me and then helped me decorate for Christmas (that is another post, with pictures). Alexys left for a "date" with her boyfriend and it was just me, my boys and my mom. She wanted to leave before it got dark so my house was still a mess. We had decorations up, but boxes every where. We stopped alot to play with the boys, after all...to me, this weekend was about me and my kids. We stayed in our jammies ALL day! It was awesome. We did leave and get dinner at Taco Bell...in our jammies, but we just did the drive thru.

Sunday was much of the same. Trying to go through all the boxes. Blake and I played alot. Devon played with the neighbor's girls and Alexys had stayed the night at a friend's house. My house looks good. I'm not "lovin" my tree, but it will work this year.

I hope everyone else enjoyed their weekend.

Finding Sanity

If any of you remember last week I blogged about my slight meltdown last Saturday...if not read here. I'll wait....

So, I am trying to fix the situation that I have put myself in. For the first time in well over a year....I made no plans this weekend other than spend time with my kiddos. I have had several people tell me in the past few days (after reading my blog) that they do notice that I'm ALWAYS busy. One even said I tend to "burn the candle at both ends". So really, it's no wonder I had a meltdown.

Before I left work today, my wonderful daughter (17 years old) text me and asked if we could have movie night. She totally made my night! We haven't really talked much lately and I figured it would be like this weekend. Plus dear hubby is at the deer least, again, and I have both boys alone. My friends tease all the time, I'm the single mom with three kids. Any who...I left work and picked up the boys and came home to pick up Alexys. We went to CiCi's Pizza for dinner and then to Red Box to rent some movies. When we got home, Devon immediately went in his room to watch his movie. Alexys and I put on our jammies and played with Blake on the living room floor. It was really nice, and relaxing. Then Alexys and I watched our movie and when it was over it was still early (for me).

I put Blake to bed, he was already asleep anyways and started to "declutter" the house. I went through drawers and threw stuff away. I went though alot of stuff in my bed room and either threw it away or paid a pile for donation. I'm far from done but it is after midnight now. Tomorrow morning Devon and I are going to decorate the tree and Alexys will take some pics. I plan on decorating the whole inside of the house for Christmas but with a 10 month old that likes a little attention from time to time that gets hard. Alexys already asked to go to dinner with her boyfriend tomorrow and then stay the night with a friend. I guess it is just me and the boys tomorrow night. I want to bake some cookies for a care package I would like to get in the mail Monday. I also have a few frames around the house that I just need to print out updated pictures for...that's on my to do list as well.

Our weather is so dumb in Texas. Tomorrow it is going to be 78 and then Sunday I think the high is 58! WTF? And I wonder why we keep getting sick.

I hope everyone has a wonderful night!

For the love of Sanity

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I have been really stressed out lately, for several reasons. I have three kids! That's the biggest reason there. Plus, it is deer season so that means on the weekends.....I'm alone with three kids! I cook, clean, think and worry about three kids....ALL. THE. TIME! There has been a time or two lately at some point one or all of the kids have misbehaved in public or at friends house. This stresses me out and embarrasses me. I don't like that other people have to get on to my kids. I'm not saying I get made at my friends. See, my friends and I have an unspoken agreement...if one of our kids is acting up, call them out and make them act right, then tell their mom. Also, as two of my kids get older they are more independent and don't want to include me as much. I know this is a part of life, but I still miss them and I get upset. I've been keeping all this in for a few weeks. We have been VERY busy to say the least for months now. And then it happened. I had a meltdown Saturday in front of friends and people I didn't know. I. could. not. stop. crying! A friend of mine asked me via email what was up, she noticed my facebook updates were kind of blah. This friend and I don't talk often, but when we do it's deep. I told her all this crap....and she then asked me if I wanted her opinion. I found this strange, to me, not to her though. I am always open to peoples opinions. Sometime they are helpful and sometimes I disregard them but I'm always interested on how others view things. Let me start off by saying family and friends are very important to me. That's why we are always busy. But it seams by family I mean extended...not the ones I live with (but they are important to). I'll explain. My dear friend pointed out that I'm always busy, ALWAYS. And even though I know this, it hit me different having someone else tell me. This friend hasn't gone out with us much since her son was born 3 years ago. It use to bother me but what she said to me made total sense. She reminded me that they are only kids once. Your friends and family and even husband for that matter are secondary. And she is right! Maybe me getting stressed out about having three kids isn't about actually having three kids, it is because we are always on the go and doing that with three kids is what stresses me out. I need to stay home and be lazy with my kids, or play outside or inside with them. Let them know that running around like a crazy lady isn't normal. And like she said, some people (friends and family) might get upset, but I have to learn to say no! As much as I would love to do it all and be everywhere, my children mean the world to me and I don't want to regret not being their for them for one second.

So to my dear friend...thank you for ditching me the past 3 years to be there for your son, I won't make fun of you again. And thanks for "straightening" me out. I feel the stress going away already. Hubby will be gone this weekend and it will be just the kids and I at home, and that sounds wonderful!

Dust Bunnies

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I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I haven't really done a "deep" cleaning since Blake has been born (keep in mind he just turned 10 months). Since my hubby and I got all the Christmas stuff out of the attic I thought it was a good time to clean the floors good before any Christmas stuff goes up in the house. We have wood floors, which I've learned to hate. They are just there so dust bunnies can easily collect now, this was never a problem when we had carpet. So, I got the vacuum out so I could start with the baseboards. Normally this would be an easy, quick and simple job....not so much when you have to watch your baby and this is his first time hearing the vacuum cleaner (Alexys normally vacuums before we get home). He screamed bloody murder, so I did it in spurts. I even flipped the couches and vacuumed under there as well. After all that was done I put up the tree. No ornaments, but the tree is up with lights and the room is clean.

Tonight Devon and I will put the ornaments on the tree. I like to do this as a family but I'm over "making" them do it. I shouldn't have to pull teeth to do traditions so I'll do them without them. Robert does at least put the angel on the tree for me but Alexys is just over the whole thing. Whatev!

This will be Blake's first Christmas! And our first Christmas as a happy party of 5! I want to decorate big this year and enjoy time with friends and family.

An Introduction

It's long overdue really. I've decided, with the recent increase in the number of followers I have and the fact that my page view count has gone up considerably I should introduce myself and my family (since I tend to talk about them alot).

Here I am. My name is Jessie. This picture was taken about 2 years ago, before I got pregnant with Blake. I had finally gotten down to a weight I was happy with. I am 31 (32 in March). I have been married for 2 years (3 in March) but with my hubby for 11 years this March. We met on my 21st birthday, in a bar. It happens. I have a step-daughter (who I would claim as my own any day of the week) and 2 boys. We live some what in the country in a beautiful home. I work in the accounting field. I absolutely love photography (everything about it). I love to do different crafts. I also love to scrapbook. While I haven't had much time to do it, and I'm currently about 4 years behind, I love it just the same. I enjoy spending as much time as possible with friends and family. This is my handsome husband, Robert. This photo was taken on our honeymoon. This beautiful young lady is Alexys. This is my step-daughter. She is 17 years old. She just moved in with us this past August. She is a Junior in high school.

The handsome boy is Devon. He is 9, he will be 10 in January.

This is THE cutest baby out there right now. This is Blake, he turned 10 months on Monday. He is the final piece to our family puzzle. We are now a party of 5 and I love every moment.

I would like to send a shout out to a few people. I notice that alot of my views come from a few people specifically. Three blogs in particular are With Eyes Wide Open , And So It Goes... and My Little Life . Thank you ladies. Also I have seen a big increase in views from Canada... I can only assume this has to do with my girl, Canadian Blogger Girl . Go check out their blogs, they are good and clearly have good taste (since they like me, lol).

Now I just want to put something out there. I know I don't have a ton of followers but I would love to get more. Most of you have many more followers than I. So I'm asking....would anyone like to guest post on my blog and bring some love my way? I am open to blog topics, I don't think there is anything I would turn away. What do you think?

Being Strong

Today's topic, being strong. I'm not talking about the physical kind either. And clearly the picture above is NOT me, or I would have no use doing my Fat Tuesday posts anymore. I mean being strong minded and strong willed. Some time life happens, and it's not good. You are forced to deal with something you never thought you would have to. You suddenly become very aware that ALL eyes are on you. Everyone is waiting to see how you will handle it. Will you fall to pieces, or will you be strong? But people have very different meanings of the word strong. I personally feel that just because you are a "strong" person, doesn't mean you have to do things alone. I don't thinking anyone can actually get through anything on their own. Even if you just need to call someone and just have them listen. That means they don't tell you their opinion or agree with you just to make you happy. Some time you just need to get it out (of your own head). And that is ok. Just because, God forbid, you shed a tear, doesn't make you weak....it means you have a heart. I don't really have a point to this post and it is not directly at anyone in my life either. Just something I've been thinking about. I have been graced with some wonderful friends and family around me. I don't have to go through anything alone. And I by no means think of myself as a weak person. I have the "friends" that I can call and no matter what I say (eg. "the sky is purple") they will agree with me. Those are friends I rarely call. I know I'm not right all the time, I'm ok with that. Sometimes I am so caught up with the way I see things I need someone else to point out the other side. I have been known to react to things while I am hot headed and not cool down before responding. I'm trying to work on that. 9 times out of 10, I regret the way I acted when acting on impulse. Photos found here

Now that I got that total randomness out of the way, check out my guest post on Beauty Sale Shoppers Blog. Hope everyone enjoys their week.

Thanksgiving-Topic Part 2

Family Traditions. We all have them. We have always celebrated Thanksgiving with my mom. But a few years ago we started additional Thanksgiving traditions. We all get together at my moms, my little family, my aunts family and my cousins. It's always the same. The guys chill outside and the ladies are inside. My mom always makes the most amazing dinner that I probably eat all year long. Honestly, the stuffing and sweet potatoes are to die for. My mom's sweet potatoes can easily be mistaken for pie, they are so good. When dinner is done we do a bonfire in the backyard and sit around and chill. We all stay the night! It's so much fun. Last year was the first year us ladies lost our minds and went shopping on Black Friday. Shopping when you are 8 months pregnant with crazy people was NOT pleasant. Many are lucky I don't carry a gun, just saying. I know all the deals are amazing...but no reason to act like a psycho.

Thanksgiving-Topic

Here's another topic post. What is my favorite Thanksgiving memory? This was a few years ago. My sister was there (at my mom's house) and I think it was the one year that my dad's daughter actually came. After eating my mother's AMAZING Thanksgiving feast we did gingerbread houses with the kids! I think my mom and my sister did one, Devon and I did one, and my dad's daughter and her son did another. It was so much fun (even if mine did look the worst). I think we might have to do that again this year.

I wanna go

Does this not look absolutely inviting? I would love to get away to something like this. This weekend is opening to deer season (rifle) and once again the deer lease is calling my husband's name. Friday night I think I'll catch up a little on my dvr. Saturday I am doing my cousin and her fiance' engagement photos (first time I've done engagement photos) and maybe a little decorating of my house with my mom and then a girls dinner with a few glasses of wine as well. Sunday sounds like a good day to relax...but who knows, seems like that never happens when my hubby is gone. What are your plans for the weekend?

Positivity

I need to take a minute to regroup. I have done rather well keeping positive people and what not around me very positive. We are currently having some things happen in our family that are not positive so I want to....shake it off. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. We may never know what that reason is, but none the less it happens. It's time for me personally to quit stressing over it and make things positive. I always take it upon myself to try and take every ones hurt away. I hate seeing those I love sad (who does really). I try and make it my mission to perk them up. But some situations the person just needs time. I know that this is not something I can fix, I won't try. But I do know that I am always here at a drop of the hat. I'm a great listener. And if you wanna call and us each have a glass of wine while you cry your little eyes out while no one is watching then I'm game. I do what ever when ever that is needed. I guess I personally don't need to be in a positive state of mine to do this for loved ones. I've always been one to put others before myself. Carma....it will only help you out in the end, right?

To anyone that is just having a crappy day, week, month or even year...shake it off. Like really stand up and shake like crazy. If nothing else, you made yourself laugh and that has to count for something. I hope everyone has an awesome Monday, week and November!

30 Day Challenge--Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do I hope I never have to bury my children. I know to most people it is a given. But I have seen first hand how hard it is for someone I love to have to come to terms with such a tragedy. I think often we watch the news, and hear these horror stories of children dieing. Your heart always goes out to them and their family but you never really think it will happen to yours, until it does. There are some things you can never forget, and seeing a grown man cry and grieve for his daughter is one of them. Never take any moment with your children for granted. You don't know when someone will feel their time is up in this world. My three kids mean the world to me and I couldn't imagine life without them. I hope everyone holds their babies close. My oldest son is 9, and when he actually wants to snuggle...sweet! Children are a blessing, treat them as one.

Photos by Nicole C Photography

100.....

OMG! I made it to my 100th post already! I would like to tell you that I had something special saved up for this post....but I don't. I do love having a blog. It's nice to get what is in my head out and with this new 30 Day Challenge I'm also learning more about myself. I hope to continue this blog and one day look back and see how much I've grown as a person, mother, daughter, wife and friend. Thank you all who follow me. I appreciate each one of you and I absolutely love to get comments. Here's to another 100!

Thirty Day Challenge-Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone else for I find these challenges to get progressively harder. I have to look at my life and all the imperfections that I thought I have dealt with...any maybe you really never do. Something I have to forgive someone else for....that can be an open ended question. It can be as simple as a friend that has hurt you, an old boyfriend...a sister that might have caused you pain...or worse...it could be a parent. My real father has never really been there for me, ever. I never put a whole lot of thought as to why until I became a parent myself. I can't imagine never wanting to talk to my kids or having them in my life. I'm sure he has his reasons, but I can't imagine them being good ones. He has been in my life sporadically. A year hear and there. Recently (for some reason unknown to me) my step-mom is pissed at me and so all communication has pretty much stopped. With the birth of my last child my father mailed me a card....an effin card. I just gave the miracle of life and you can't pick up the phone...really! But, his lack of being a good father I some what came to terms with before I got married. I invited him and his wife (let me mention we have always been on good terms) to the wedding but I wanted it to be clear that he wasn't going to walk me down the aisle. A week or so later, I received a card and a check for $1000 and a note saying it was better for them to send money then to come. And that reason, on top of a million others, is why I decided (the day I got engaged) that my step-father was going to walk me down the aisle. The man that has been there no matter what and loves me to know end. So, to my birth father: I forgive you for being a shitty dad, I see why your other kids choose not to talk to you, sorry I had faith in you and gave you time. I have a happy life and I do have a dad, he might not have known me from birth, but I know he sure wishes he had.