30 Day Challenge-Day 13

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A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times

I can't really think of one. I don't feel like music has really "helped" me though tough time. I do however feel that listening to a song can take you back. Just about any song I hear takes me back somewhere. I have songs that remind me of my kids, husband, sister, mom, dad, family, friends....and high school. I love music and sometime it is ok to be taken back.

30 day Challenge--Day 12

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Something you never get compliments on

This took alot of thinking on my part. Its hard to think about what people don't say about you. Then I finally had something! My cooking. I had this awesome post in my head about and didn't have the time to type it up. Then with the holidays I knew I wouldn't get to it. But over the holidays it happened....people actually commented on my cooking. OMG, you must be kidding me. So, I'm back to where I started and I am taking long enough on this 30 day challenge thing so I'm left with nothing!

Have a wonderful 1st day of December!

30 Day challenge--Day 11

Something people seem to compliment you the most on

I have to say I hear alot about how thoughtful I am. I write down every ones birthdays, I mail a card. I write down couples anniversaries, they get a card. If I find out you are expecting a child, you guessed it, a card. I take pics of everything and try to get copies to the people they mean the most to. I believe the little things mean the most. And I try to do a little something for people. A friend of mine lost her mom a few years ago in a tragic way. It's on my calender, and on that day I always send her a text or email telling her I thought of her mom today. Occasionally I have even gone to the cemetery too. A little card to brighten someones day, a text to show you care, a silly gift to say you were thinking of them...these are the things I love to do. I know a few of my friends when they receive a card in the mail, before even looking at it they know it's from me. I'm ok with that. So I'm predictable in that way, but they know how much they mean to me and that's important.

30 Day Challenge--day 10

Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

I don't really know how to answer this one. I've thought about it for a few days. I'm a firm believe in everything happens for a reason. If I wish that I never met someone, that might change who I am today or where I am, in a positive or negative way. I wouldn't go as far as saying I've had a hard life by any means, but I've had my issues. But who doesn't? No matter how bad you thing you have it, there is someone that has it worse. Everything in my life, good or bad, was a learning experience and helped mold the women I am today. And I don't think that woman is half bad.

30 Day Challenge- Day 9

Someone you didn't want to let go, but drifted away.

I could think of several people to put here.

In high school, there was a group of us, Laura, Melissa, Keri, Marie and me! We were together alot to say the least. Laura was a year older than us. After Laura graduated...things just seemed to fall apart. I don't feel that Laura was the glue that held us together...I think we all just started changing. Through all the years (graduated in 97) I really only kept in touch with Melissa. Laura, Keri and Marie are my facebook friends...but really, we never comment on one another. Melissa and I have a good email talking about life every few months (speaking of which, we are overdue).

I think in reality, after high school it is hard to stay close to the same people. You find your self and everyone grows in a different way. I guess that is ok, I have had friends to take their place, but I still miss them from time to time.

30 Day Challenge- Day 8

Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly

I can't say that anyone has made my life hell. But people have treated me badly. I would have to say the person who has hurt me the most is my Papa (grandfather). I was the first grandkid...therefor the favorite by default =). We (my mother and I) moved away when I was very young but I always spent the summer with my grandma and papa. It was some of the best memories ever. Then, in 1999 my grandma passed away from cancer. It was honestly the worst thing that has ever happened to me to date. After a few months I noticed my papa stopped taking my phone calls or sending me cards with little notes. At Christmas time...he sent my Christmas card back. WTF!?! Apparently he was pissed at my mom therefor had to be a total ass to me. So not only did I lose my grandmother I lost my papa as well. This is the only set of grandparents I've ever known. I tried for several years to send cards, letters....all to be returned. I made phone calls...just to get a machine, I would always leave a nice message. Three years ago my aunt and her family moved down here so now when he sees our area code on caller id he doesn't know if it is me or not (he talks to my aunt). So in 2008, weeks before my wedding, with a million things going on I had it in my head, I HAD TO TALK TO HIM. So I think I was on my lunch hour and I called...and he answered. He freaked when he realized it was me, he was about to hang up when I begged him to hear me out. I said my peace and he proceeded to tell me what he was pissed at my mom about. He didn't understand that I didn't care, it had nothing to do with me. I reminded him that once upon a time I was the favorite and the apple of his eye...now just a child he tried to avoid. He's never met my children or my husband and probably never will. I did feel a little smile cross my face when my cousin visited him and said there was a photo of me on his fridge. It was a photo from years ago, but still that was sweet. He has asked my aunt about my kids...at least he cares a little. Either way...I release this hurt I feel. I'm over it and holding on does no good. It was his choice not mine so why should I stress. I have so many people in my life who love me and my children and husband for who we are. I can't imagine the pain he went through losing his wife and maybe that is where his problem started. (deep breath) All is well with the world.

30 Day Challenge-Day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living

I have two people. But let's focus on them separately. First, there is my mom. She pretty much raised me by herself. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I didn't know my dad till I was older. People always try and say "aww, poor you" but I look back on my childhood....and think it was very happy. I've always been close to my mother. Some of her pet peeves growing up are now mine. The smell of grape, the sound of teeth scraping a fork, little things like that. She helped carve the woman I am today. I like to think of myself as independent. I love having my husband around, but if something every happened, I know I could manage. I am a good mom...I learned by example. I'm an excellent friend. I'm not tooting my own horn on this one...I've been told. My mom always raised me to be a sensitive and caring person. I think I've mastered that. She has taught me so much, and for that....my life is worth living.

Secondly, my wonderful husband. My world changed in so many ways since he has been in my life. I learned what love really is, both to love and to receive it. I learned the love from a child (before I even had my own). I became a mother and gave birth (one of THE best experiences in my life). I know there is a happy balance with all the things you love in life. It is ok to spend time with friends, he will still be there. No matter what, he will still be there. I know this is dumb, but when I was younger I use to always wonder what a boyfriend would do if I were to have a tragedy in my life, of any kind. When my 4 wheeler flipped and the handle bars went through my face and also broke my arm...I knew. They freak the hell out! It also shows you just how much they love you. My husband is a man of few words...but I know at the end of the day, when I close my eyes....he loves me, and I love him.

30 Day Challenge--Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do I hope I never have to bury my children. I know to most people it is a given. But I have seen first hand how hard it is for someone I love to have to come to terms with such a tragedy. I think often we watch the news, and hear these horror stories of children dieing. Your heart always goes out to them and their family but you never really think it will happen to yours, until it does. There are some things you can never forget, and seeing a grown man cry and grieve for his daughter is one of them. Never take any moment with your children for granted. You don't know when someone will feel their time is up in this world. My three kids mean the world to me and I couldn't imagine life without them. I hope everyone holds their babies close. My oldest son is 9, and when he actually wants to snuggle...sweet! Children are a blessing, treat them as one.

Photos by Nicole C Photography

Thirty Day Challenge- Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life This came very easy to me. I want to see a baby be born. I have had two kids myself and I did not watch their births...I was busy, lol. But when my last one was born I had my sister-in-law in the room and she made a comment that I want to know how it feels like. She said "Seeing Blake being born was almost as good as giving birth to her own son". How amazing would that be? The thought of it gives me goose bumps. It is something that is totally on my "bucket list". What is something you hope to do?

Thirty Day Challenge-Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone else for I find these challenges to get progressively harder. I have to look at my life and all the imperfections that I thought I have dealt with...any maybe you really never do. Something I have to forgive someone else for....that can be an open ended question. It can be as simple as a friend that has hurt you, an old boyfriend...a sister that might have caused you pain...or worse...it could be a parent. My real father has never really been there for me, ever. I never put a whole lot of thought as to why until I became a parent myself. I can't imagine never wanting to talk to my kids or having them in my life. I'm sure he has his reasons, but I can't imagine them being good ones. He has been in my life sporadically. A year hear and there. Recently (for some reason unknown to me) my step-mom is pissed at me and so all communication has pretty much stopped. With the birth of my last child my father mailed me a card....an effin card. I just gave the miracle of life and you can't pick up the phone...really! But, his lack of being a good father I some what came to terms with before I got married. I invited him and his wife (let me mention we have always been on good terms) to the wedding but I wanted it to be clear that he wasn't going to walk me down the aisle. A week or so later, I received a card and a check for $1000 and a note saying it was better for them to send money then to come. And that reason, on top of a million others, is why I decided (the day I got engaged) that my step-father was going to walk me down the aisle. The man that has been there no matter what and loves me to know end. So, to my birth father: I forgive you for being a shitty dad, I see why your other kids choose not to talk to you, sorry I had faith in you and gave you time. I have a happy life and I do have a dad, he might not have known me from birth, but I know he sure wishes he had.

Thirty Day Challenge-Day Three

Something you have to forgive yourself for I've struggled with this one. There are several things I would like to forgive myself for, some that I don't want to mention on here and are kind of dumb anyways. But I think I'm going to have to copy Amber LaShell Rants and forgive myself for not being perfect. Me in general I've always accepted not being perfect. I mean, I know I'm not the "prettiest" or "smartest" and I don't fit most people's "ideal" weight. I'm talking about something else. I always strive to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and co-worker and feel that I often fall short. I think sometimes I play it off well, but those who know me (well) know that these things mean the world to me. It defines who I am. I would do just about anything for most people, no lie. Birthdays, anniversaries, AA birthdays, deaths, just because.....I send out cards for all that, people expect that of me. I have slacked off in that department and I feel awful about it. It's just a card, why do I put so much weight in that. Because! Just a card...can totally brighten a person's day, and I like to do that. But I must forgive myself for the things I'm not always able to do. I've slacked in buying cards because I've been busy being a mom to three kids! I'm not complaining, I love being a mom. But I went from being a full time mom of one to a full time mom of three in just a few short months. It's an adjustment. Why should I stress about being a perfect sister? My sister isn't perfect... We should accept our flaws and move on, she'll always be my sister, right? A perfect daughter? What's perfect anyways? Kids are always changing regardless of their age. And I like to think no matter what...at the end of the day, my mom is pretty proud of the girl she raised. Society dictates what is considered perfect but I think...no one is really perfect. That's what makes us all so different and..well, fun if you ask me. So I accept and forgive me for not being perfect. And I think that is ok! What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Thirty Day Challenge-Day 2

Something you love about yourself

This isn't an easy one. But I guess I would have to say I'm love that I'm a good listener. I'm always here when my friends need someone to vent to. I think that is an important quality in a friend. Sometimes you don't need to even say anything....just got to get things off your chest. I always try to see both sides of any situation (unless it applies to me, then I have to "phone-a-friend").

I think to often people have "friends" that either try to "one up them" or talk about when they were in the situation. Sometimes you just really need someone to shut up and listen and that's what I do. Don't get me wrong, you ask for my opinion and you will get it.

I can think of countless times my sister-in-law calls me and this is how the conversation goes down...

SIL: Hey, I just need to vent got a minute?

ME: always

SIL: proceeds to tell the story or rant and rave...whatever suits her at the moment.

ME: yeah...ok...uh huh

SIL:Thanks for letting me get that out, bye!

And that's how it goes. So if you need a good listener...program me in, I'm always around.

Thirty Day Challenge-Day One

I just started following a new blog, Canadian Blogger Girl, and I LOVE her blog. She is doing a 30 day challenge to a better you and I thought I would jump on the band wagon. I might even find out something about myself I didn't realize (that is scary). Oh, and check her out...you might like her too.

Something I hate about myself

I have a clutter problem. I don't understand why really. If I go to someone else's house or office, I have no problem helping them clean and de-clutter the area. Somehow, I can not apply that to myself. I have little piles everywhere. On my desk right now, there are 5 different piles of paperwork. I honestly (in my own head) scream at myself "just get to the bottom of at least one of these damn piles today". Crazy I know. At home, there is a pile of mail and misc. paperwork on the kitchen counter. There is more junk on the breakfast table. Then in my room there is a pile of stuff in the corner by my bed that I just need to go through and put up. There are three boxes in the closet of stuff I clearly don't use but for some reason can't seem to part with. Life really...where is all this stuff getting me? I vow every morning to go through a pile at home, but life gets in the way and I just don't seem to get to it. I would say if I had a day to myself I could do it all...but I know I wouldn't, that's just me.

That is totally something I hate about myself. FML!