Admitting it

Admitting your scared of something is hard. Not just to others....it is harder to admit it to yourself. I'm scared! What if it changes all the work we have done to get to this point? It could happen.

My step-daughter and her mother haven't talked since August. They are having dinner together this week. And...I am scared. What if her mother doesn't live up to her expectations and hurts her even more? What if she tries to fly back into her life and control things again? I think it is very important for Alexys to have a relationship with her mother. I have always said that. And, I was and still am totally for her reaching out to her mother. But Alexys wants to have a relationship on her terms. That's not how it is going to be and I hope she is ready for that. You NEVER get what you want out of a relationship. Sometime you get more...but usually you get less. I'll always be here for her. But this is something I can not fix for her. I know her mom doesn't like how I parent. But I do hope that she is mature enough to take that up with her father and not bad mouth me to Alexys. I don't see Alexys taking well to that. Like it or not...I've been her only mother for the past 7 months and have ALWAYS treated her like one of my children since she has been in my life. Step parenting is hard. I tell Alexys I love her with all my heart but I hope she never has to go through what I've had to.

No Relief

I thought since I've been taking antibiotics that the headaches would go away. Saturday I didn't have one during the day but a tiny one at night. No big deal. This morning I woke up with a small one but it went away. That I can deal with.

About an hour ago I was putting laundry away and I swear it was like something popped. I felt the headache wrap around the right side of my head and go down my neck. Every time I swallow I feel as if something is blocking it. Something is wrong! I'm going to try and make it through the night....and go to the doctor tomorrow. I can't really afford an E.R. visit. I can't call in tomorrow because it is the end of the month. FML.

Must sleep

Since I've been sick for the past week I've wanted nothing more than to get some sleep, but for some reason here I am. It is after 1 in the morning and I'm on the effin computer checkin facebook and my blogs like something has to be looked at now and cannot wait until morning. Maybe it is because the baby is asleep, hubby is asleep and so is Devon and Alexys is in her room. That means I'm free to play on the computer. Yay!

Alexys was sick Friday. She went to the doctor and was told she had the flu and an ear infection. Awesome. She was held up in her room so the rest of us didn't get sick. She could only come out when she sprayed her self with lysol and used hand sanitizer. Her room now smells like an old folks home. But after 24 hours of meds she is feeling much better. She hasn't been able to interact with her brothers since Thursday... She will never admit it, but I think she misses them.

I guess it is time to at least get in bed and watch a little t.v. Blake wakes up around 7 a.m. I wonder if the hubby loves me enough to let me sleep in tomorrow....hmm.

5 Question Friday

Update from my doctors appointment: As you read in my previous post, I've suffered from headaches non stop since Sunday. I went to the doctor and he said..........I have unique sinuses and fluid behind both ears (which caused the dizziness). Awesome! Hook my ass up with meds! Hopefully by tomorrow the headaches will go away!

Yay! It's finally Friday!!! Link up with Mama M. for 5 question Friday. 1. Can you drive a stick shift? No. I've never had to. I would like to learn but really doesn't matter to me if I don't. 2. What are two foods you just can't eat? Sushi and liver. They both sound like the nastiest things ever. 3. Do you buy Girl Scout Cookies? What is your favorite kind? Yes!!! I buy peanut butter patties for myself and my daughter loves carmel delights. 4. How do you pamper yourself? I try to treat myself to a cut and color every 6-8 weeks 5. What is your nickname and how did you get it? I don't really have one. I'm ok with that.

Headache

Here I am. Day 5 of headaches. It's awful. I'm not sure what's wrong.

Sunday I started feeling dizzy and got a headache. Every time I closed my eyes the world would spin. I even got the cold sweats. I slept alot that day.

Monday I woke up feeling the same. I was actually going to call in sick, only the third time in 5 years. But unfortunately my receptionist called in and I have work ethic that is clearly to generous and made it to work. The drive itself was hard. Ever try to drive while feeling dizzy? When I dropped Blake off at daycare I started feeling nauseous and sat in their restroom for a good 20 min waiting to toss my cookies....never happened thankfully. So I made it to work, late...but got there. I had to answer phones. So I sat there, with my head on my desk for the first hour or so and answered phones...nothing else. I slept during my lunch hour. When I went home, the dizziness went away but the headache continued.

Tuesday, another headache....

Wednesday, yet another headache. See the pattern? Every one started stressing and said it was my blood pressure. So I took it....and it was high. So I made an appointment for the doctor. I went to bed with the headache.

Today...I woke up with my headache. But at least today I'm going to the doctor. I took my blood pressure and it was normal. Who knows?

No matter what is wrong....a week long headache is NOT normal and something needs to be done.

I hope everyone else's week has been better.

Wordless Wednesday

Fat Tuesday

I'm back to normal. Doing my Fat Tuesday post on Wednesday. Day late, dollar short I tell ya. So, I lost .2 pounds. While I know this is no great accomplishment I do think it is a loss none the less and I'll take it. I had a salad every day during lunch last week and shared my dinner plate with my cute little one year old.

This week has been a little different. Sunday I was extremely dizzy and I had an awful headache. I ate breakfast and a light dinner. That's all I had all day. I slept alot. Monday was worse. The dizziness was really bad. I didn't eat anything for breakfast, I had a small fry for lunch and a small plate of nachos for dinner. The dizziness has gone away but the headache is still there. Tuesday I had a pop tart for breakfast and an English muffin with peanut butter for lunch. I had a frozen pizza for dinner, I know that is not good for me.

The headaches are still with me. Everyone thinks it is my blood pressure. I had a lady at work take it and it is a little elevated. I have an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow. I'm falling apart.

Happy Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

I am a day late. Yesterday was my mother's birthday. While she was enjoying her birthday on her day off I was at work dizzy, walking into walls wishing I would just be knocked unconscious until 5.

None the less, it was her birthday! I hope to spend many more with you mom. I love you so much. You are the reason I am who I am today. Hope you had an excellent day!

5 Question Friday

Finally it is Friday! After the week I've had, I'm ready for a wine weekend. If you want to link up, go see Mama M.

1. Have you worn the same outfit more than one day in a row? I'm sure at some point I have but I can't remember off hand. Probably happened at the deer lease or camp though. 2. If you had to choose any LARGE city to live in, which would it be? Seeing how I've never lived any where but near Houston I can't really answer that. Just because some cities are cool to visit doesn't always mean they are cool to live in. 3. Fly or drive with the kids on vacation? Either one really. We haven't been on a vacation with the baby though so no telling how that might work out. But the older ones, bring an ipod, cell phone and ds and you won't even know they are there. 4. What is your idea of "spring cleaning"? Going through all the drawers and your closet. Cleaning base boards and ceiling fans....all the crappy stuff you don't do the rest of the year. 5. What is the best book you have ever read? So far, I liked the Reliable Wife. But right now I am reading The Friday Night Knitting Club and I really like it. Have a good weekend!

Happy Friday

He is such a cutie! I hope everyone enjoys their Friday!

Practice what you preach

As a mother you often tell you kids things...rules to live by if you may. But there comes a point when you want to kick yourself in the ass.

Take the high road!

Today I regret telling my daughter this...but, I must practice what I preach right.

The high road needs a damn detour to wine country.

Just sayin!

A birthday we will not celebrate

Today is our precious angel, Alayna's, birthday! Sadly their will not be a party, presents, a cake or any happy memories of this day. Alayna was taken from us before her time. Her memory will live on with us forever. I was glad to have met her even for a short time. We will never forget and talk about her fondly. Her beautiful bright blue eyes can't help but bring a smile to your face. We love you baby girl and I hope you are having a party with Grandma, she loves sweets too! Alayna Marie 2/16/06-10/9/09

A child's love

This is one of my favorite photos from Blake's first birthday party. Blake stuck his hand right in Robert's mouth. I love seeing these two together. I think having a child when we are older makes you appreciate things a little more. Don't get me wrong, we totally love our other two kids, but we were both very young. We had no idea what we were doing and were not really mentally "ready" for the family thing. We made it work though. We have three wonderful kids that are my pride and joy! You don't know love until you have a love from a child...so precious and pure. Hug your babies a little more!

Fat Tuesday

Oh how I would LOVE for that to be my body. Once upon a time..... Anywho, I only lost 1/2 a pound this week but that is better than gaining. I am still trying to eat salads with dinner, sometimes in place of dinner. I go for a walk every now and again with Blake in the wagon. Last night I did a little Dance Party on the Wii with Alexys. I still share my dinner plate with Blake so that helps my portions alot as well.

My daughters boyfriend was over on Sunday, looking at pictures I have in frames. He saw a photo of when the hubby and I first got together. The boyfriend asked how long ago the photo was. I told him a little over 10 years. And then he responds with..."You were SO tiny! What were you like 115?" And I say quietly "no, 105". I felt like a fat cow! I know he did not mean it like that at all. I mean I was 21 and 2 kids ago and the photo, I by no means expect to look the same. Oye! On the upside, he motivated my ass to watch what I eat even more. I know I can lose it, I've done it before.

Hope everyone is doing well on their weight-loss. I know Valentine's day throws a wrench in it but you can get back on track.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I have been on the ball this Valentine's day! I bought all the kids stuff last week. I got valentine's Chinese take out boxes and filled them full of goodies for the kids. I also got my husband a nice bottle of wine and a lovey dovey card. I woke up at 2:30 this morning to put everything out. I wanted my daughter, who wakes up before me, to have hers waiting for her. I even facebooked my hubby happy valentine's day before going to bed. At least my hubby noticed. He even pointed out that I was on the ball. Here's some photos from the morning:

My cutie pie, Blake, he has morning allergies so his eyes are always puffy in the am. But he is still cute as hell.

When Devon got out of the car when I dropped him off at school he wrote I love you on my window. He's a sweetie!

Then when I got to work I had these lovely tulips waiting for me. They are from a co-worker that says I'm always a nice friend to her.

I hope your Valentine's is going well also!

It's not so bad.

Saturday I was driving back from my cousin's shower with my daughter and we got to talking about family. Everyone bitches about their family at some point, it is human nature. And there are even times when people think their family is so effed up! But then you can talk to someone that has been through so much more (negatively) and it makes you realize...you family is pretty awesome! I know my family has issues but I also know....when the chips are down, we are ALWAYS there for each other. And really...isn't that all that matters.

5 Question Friday

Feel free to link up with Mama M. for Five Question Friday.

1. Would you rather be on ABC's Extreme Home MakeOver or TLC's What not to Wear? TLC's What not to Wear.....I am in desperate need of new clothes (post baby). 2. Do you have any tattoos? No, and I don't think I ever will. Just not my thing. 3. Do you tell your kids about things you did growing up? It is one of the reasons my daughter and I are close. I parent remembering what it was like to be her age. I know this parenting style isn't for everyone but it works for me. 4. If the traffic signal turns yellow, do you stop or speed up? Depends if the person behind me is riding my ass or not. 5. What's your preference: chocolate or chips? Chips...I'm not a big sweets girl

Fat Tuesday

Holla! I'm actually posting my Fat Tuesday post on Tuesday!!! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I lost 1.2 pound!!! Not to bad considering I didn't do a whole lot different. Although, I haven't really cooked dinner the past two weeks (I know, my family is bitching at me about it) so I've been eating salads every night. I haven't worked out much but on Saturday night my neighbor and I did Just Dance on the Wii for about an hour. If you have ever done it...you know it is a serious workout.

I hope everyone else had a productive week as well! Here's hoping we keep this going....

My Weekend.

I actually enjoyed my weekend. Friday we didn't have work due to the extreme ice conditions. I was doing laundry and Blake wanted to mess with the laundry basket.

So I turned it upside down on him. But he looks so happy! Then, while I was doing my hair and make up....I remembered when Devon was little we drew a mustache on him. So I drew one on Blake!

Saturday when I got home from work, I took my little man on his first ride in his wagon. He loved it. He hung out with our neighbors all day and night and it was fun and relaxing! I heart weekends like that!

Fat Tuesday

I guess I should really start calling it Fat Wednesday since I'm always a day late in posting. Anyways, I gained .2. I'm not going to let that get me down. I've been eating tons better and I'm hoping next week you will see that. I have two current obsessions......salad and tuna with pico de gallo in it. I know the tuna sounds gross, that's what I thought at first as well. Then I tried it. I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. IT. I'll eat it as a sandwich or on crackers. Honestly...I might even eat it by itself but it hasn't come to that yet. And salads, I like to eat one before every meal at home now. I try to eat lunch at least once a week at Sweet Tomatoes (salad bar). I've also tried to eat smaller portions. I am drinking a little more water than I did before so that should help as well.

I hope everyone else is doing good this week! Stay positive!